Books by Allan Morrison

Meet Bus Pass Barbara and Bus Pass Molly. Since they first met in Glasgow's Buchanan Bus Station, they have been using their bus passes to explore new parts of Scotland they never dreamed they'd see.As they travel the country, they encounter crotchety drivers, snooty passengers and potentially eligible men, while saving weddings from catastrophes and walkers from sprained ankles. With a combination of both caustic wisecracking and cheeky humour, the Bus Pass Girls quickly become fast friends and travel companions as they navigate their way across the country.

Years have passed since the Scottish Independence Referendum was held and the political landscape has changed. Big Nellie Nellis has been voted First Minister, and things are about to get interesting as all the political parties are given the benefit of her very unparliamentary sound bites!

The Scots have a unique way of communicating their feelings. Their sayings are cheeky, to the point, rude and always funny. Scotland¿s bestselling humour author is back with his latest collection of hilarious Scottish sayings.`Away an¿ bile yer heid an¿ mak silly soup!¿`If you don¿t behave ah¿ll pawn ye an¿ sell the ticket.¿`That wan¿s in everything but the Co-operative windae!¿`If ah had your money ah wid burn ma ain.¿`Ye¿ve goat a heid oan ye like a stair-heid.¿`The gemme¿s a bogie.¿`Yer cruisin¿ fur a bruisin¿.¿`Ah¿m that hungry ah could eat a scabbie-heided horse.¿`Castor oil cures everythin¿ but a widden leg.¿`Wan minute yer a peacock an¿ the next yer a feather duster.¿`Yer talkin¿ mince withoot a tattie in sight.¿`Lang may yer lum reek, an¿ may a wee moose never leave yer kitchen press wi¿ a tear in its ee.¿`Yer herr¿s mingin¿, hingin¿ an¿ clingin¿.¿From the infallible wisdom of the Glesca Granny, to the hilarious patter of larger-than-life conductress Big Aggie MacDonald, Allan Morrison has a sharp eye and a silver tongue when it comes to observational humour.SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY on Haud Ma Chips, Ah¿ve Drapped the Wean!

A collection of the hilarious sayings and expresions favoured by the grannies of Glasgow, along with their English translations.

A delightful collection of wedding stories guaranteed to warm your heart and make you laugh

The French visitors to Glasgow looked on blankly, as Big Aggie shouted out instructions to the queue of people waiting to board her tram on Argyle Street. 'If them that's cummin' oan'll get aff, them that's gettin' aff'll get oan better!' These adventures of Big Aggie MacDonald, the Glasgow tramcar clippie with the caustic wisecracking tongue, will take you back to the golden age of the tram. Her rich, biting patter, indiscriminately targeted at all and sundry, is the stuff for which streetwise Glaswegians have become renowned. In Aggie's day a hurl on a tramcar wasn't just another journey down to the shops - it was also a jaunt in an atmosphere of a constantly changing patois emanating from the likes of Big Aggie. In the realm of the tramcar, Big Aggie was queen and she did not suffer fools, tram inspectors and blue-rinse maidens from Milngavie lightly. They were all targets and always came away from a verbal confrontation with Big Aggie worse off but wiser. This new book by Allan Morrison revolves around seven short stories involving Aggie which are interspersed with 'Tramlines', which are one-liners and jokes attributed to Aggie. This is a perfect source for comic writers and after-dinner speakers looking for tram car material.

The perfectly formed humour title of the year everyone already wants