Books by Scott Tierney

Another collection of strange conversations about oddly specific subjects from the hand of Scott Tierney. What would an Orlando Bloom cake taste like? Would Bruce Willis spit in Leeloo's face? Who cleans up the Starship Enterprise's Holodeck once you are finished? These and other similarly pressing issues will be rigorously discussed.Pointless Conversations: The Expendables.In the fourth issue of the comic series all about the pointless, it's offbeat film references aplenty, with Robin Hood, The Expendables, and some surreal cake talk (not just any cake talk...SURREAL CAKE TALK!...yeah...). Loud explosions and incoherent old men...a better title for The Expendables? Was the King of England a lion? Maid Marion a child killer?...yes! What would an Orlando Bloom cake taste like? * * * Pointless Conversations: The Fifth Element In the fifth issue of the comic series all about the pointless, the film and cartoon related topics for (not very) serious discussion are Batman button mashing, the Queen atop a robotic polar bear, and of course the insanity which is The Fifth Element. Batman button mashing...does every switch in the Batmobile do the same thing? Captain Planet gets taken down a peg! The Queen on the back of a robotic polar bear? Would Bruce Willis spit in Leeloo's face? * * * Pointless Conversations: The Big One: It's the question that has dogged scholars for a millennia....what actually happens when you take a poo on the Star Trek Enterprise's holodeck? In the sixth issue of the comic series all about the pointless, it the one that got everyone talking - the Star Trek special!: Why is there a 'P' in pterodactyl? Who cleans the Holdeck once you're finished? If you eat holo-food, would you do a holo-poo? Would you drink Odo? *Disclaimer* This issue is rather immature, and if you are easily offended by "rectal forcefields" and "poo quiche" (not to mention an almost infinite number of "poo"s) then this issue isn't really for you...but if you do find these funny, then you are in for a real treat!

Pointless Conversations: Riker vs GastonIt's time to nail your colours to the mast (or tie them? ...latch them on? ...whatever) as two juggernauts of masculinity go head to head in a battle to find the ultimate male role model. Who's your choice: Star Trek's Commander Riker; bearded, sexually unstoppable seducer of gods, or Disney's Beauty and the Beast's Gaston, with his square jaw and catchy theme song? A tough dilemma, so read the in-depth discussion, including: Herculean muscle-pumps! David and the Goliath...the truth is told! Witty one liners from biblical characters. How does a genie have sex? Pointless Conversations: Armageddon Time for Armageddon! ...the film with Bruce Willis, not the cataclysmic event... anyway, on the docket are: Why a dirty bum is a small price to pay for financial security. If the Flake is a chocolate bar for women, what's the male equivalent? Why does confectionery go out of date on a Saturday? Drilling a hole and dropping some nukes? Really? Pointless Conversations: Killing Buzz and Woody Here's a packed conversation with more subjects, topics, boar-munching and off-kilter ramblings than could be possible listed ...although I'm about to do that right now... If you chopped off his head and then threw him is a blender, would Toy Story's Woody, die? Forget Captain American, here's Captain Jesus! Who wins: Jesus or Chuck Norris? Talk of X-Men, then a final Asterix-style banquet, complete with boar! This book contains plenty of (allegedly) mature and (definitely) offensive content, so please do not purchase a copy if you are offended by… ummm… anything, to be fair.

Pointless Conversations: The Collection - Volume 3: Are You Going to Heaven? The Red Morph or the Blue Morph? And What IS Mr. Bean?Pointless Conversations: Are you Going to Heaven?In the seventh issue of the comic series all about the pointless, the good-natured (if slightly blasphemous... make that very blasphemous) jocularity continues as the conversation turns to 90s children's film Dennis, cult horror Bad Biology and other such nonsense: Would you chop-off your willy if it was a drugged-up killer? Is watching Walter Matthau eat paint amusing? Who carries your luggage to heaven? Pedognomes...that's right, PEDOGNOMES! *** Pointless Conversations: The Red Morph or the Blue Morph? In the eighth issue of the comic series all about the pointless, it's more of the same pop-culture pwning, with Indiana Jones 4, The Matrix, and other such tittles: Morph genocide...it's never funny, especially when Tony Hart screams himself to sleep at night (shame on you for laughing...*snigger*) Impromptu impressions of Indiana Jones 4 characters What happens when you take a poo... IN THE MATRIX? What would happen if you took both the red pill and blue pill at once? *** Pointless Conversations: What IS Mr. Bean? Here we are at issue nine, and we come to a truly massive topic... What is Mr. Bean? It may sound like a daft question, but really, what is he? Where did he come from? Why is he here? Why is a grown man still sleeping with a teddy bear, if not for an acute mental illness? You need answers, you need to read Pointless Conversations: What is Mr. Bean? and I need to avoid a court case with Rowan Atkinson! Should Mr. Bean be allowed to drive if he's... urm... 'brain-broken'? Why do we laugh at a handicapped man pouring boiling water into his mouth? Are we a sick and twisted people? What is that title sequence all about? Is Mr. Bean really from space, or a servant of God? Alternate opening titles...(for mature/unbalanced readers only) In case you are in any doubt whatsoever, there is a whole boatload of (supposedly) mature content within these pages. You have been warned…

Forced into spending the day with one another while their wife and respective mother undergoes a procedure, a father and son become reacquainted after a period of disjunction. As the day progress and the proverbial scabs are picked, each man comes to understand a little more about the other.And, in the process, a great deal more about themselves...

Pointless Conversations: The ExpendablesIn yet another absolutely pointless conversation, it's offbeat film references aplenty, with Robin Hood, The Expendables, and some surreal cake talk (that's not just any cake talk... SURREAL CAKE TALK! Yeah!). In store for you this time are: Loud explosions and incoherent old men... a better title for The Expendables? Was the King of England a lion? Maid Marion a child killer? ...Yes! What would an Orlando Bloom cake taste like? Pointless Conversations: The Fifth Element In this fifth issue of the comic series all about the pointless, the film and cartoon related topics for (not very) serious discussion are Batman button mashing, the Queen atop a robotic polar bear, and of course the insanity which is The Fifth Element. Batman button mashing... does every switch in the Batmobile do the same thing? Captain Planet gets taken down a peg! The Queen on the back of a robotic polar bear? Would Bruce Willis spit in Leeloo's face? Pointless Conversations: The Big One It's the question that has dogged scholars for a millennia.... what actually happens when you take a poo on the Star Trek Enterprise's holodeck? In the sixth issue of the comic series all about the pointless, it the one that got everyone talking - the Star Trek special! Why is there a 'P' in pterodactyl? Who cleans the holodeck once you're finished? If you eat holo-food, would you do a holo-poo? Would you drink Odo? With a significant amount of offensive content, this collection is not suitable for... anyone.