Autobiography of Sam, The Turtle And Other Stories

The boss, (oh, I work at The Opinionated Daily News, just call me George)...ah... stuck... uh....assigned... me to interview turtles, terrapins, and tortoises at La Cite` du Tortoises, which is located in Pennsylvania. The boss ordered a series of articles on how these creatures lived so I managed to get several life stories from them, and I can't stress enough, these turtles are peculiar! Sam and his friends get themselves into some weird situations. Like shopkeeper Walter Wall, who made a grab for a bug, over reached himself and slud (not MY word) into the crik (Pennsylvania Dutch for creek), and floated unwillingly and unhappily down the crik, eventually ending belly up in Johnstown. Through a series of rescues he finally arrived home... which annoyed some "friends". When the turtles were being collected by bad men, Alice, the snapping turtle, joined the resistance and fortunately, all were saved. Jock, the Lock-box turtle has an amazing ability to literally close up shop and completely hide himself in his house, (his secret- hinges on the bottom shell); he and his buddy, tiny Bog turtle, Herkimer, joined in feasting in farmer John's garden, (they called it borrowing), happily gobbling up his delectable produce, and sometimes joined the group which meets in La Tortoise Bar and Grill most evenings. Due to the turtle's misuse, abuse, and mangling of the good King's English, I have translated and transcribed these articles and have sent them to the paper. Believe me: I am NOT responsible for the results. Groan. Their instructions: all visitors should bring carrots!