I Shouldn't Love This Way

Everyone wants to fall in love. And those who run... are running from the intensity of love. It's all consuming. It burns you alive and resurrects you. I didn't want to lose myself in Aria. But the truth is, I had. Every part of me desired to merge with her. Terror and beauty go hand in hand with opening your heart. It's a paradox, really. I couldn't reveal the darkest parts of my past to her. It was bad enough that I had pulled her into hellfire when I moved her to California with me and my wife... Los Angeles: the city of fallen angels.
From the second our eyes had locked in that courtroom in NYC, I knew. I fucking knew, and I lied to myself. It was an ugly truth I didn't want to face... a shameful one. My undeniable attraction to Aria was endless spiritual warfare. It didn't matter that I was older. It didn't matter that I was meant to be her protector and nothing more. I... craved her. Every. Fucking. Day.
I had battled addiction before. But this was so much worse. Loving Aria had pushed me into purgatory all over again. It was my curse. I thought I could protect her from my brother Evan. The irony was that I needed to protect her from myself. Our love is... forbidden.