What Almost Became a Lifestyle

Torture, no love, fear, no life. Resentment, rage, anger, payback! Abandonment, rejection, I'm lost! My tears eventually dried out, wanting to cry but having no way to vent or get it out. Rape! No help. I had to protect you as a child while being abused by the so-called love of your life. Abuse, cocaine, self-hatred, darkness, numbness, no light. Raped again! But wait, this rape was before I was three, and the other before the age of ten. Who was there to protect me from the acts of these sinful men? Dirty-I have that feeling even now! Feeling tainted, who would want me after I was violated? Group homes, having to always be on guard, not having a home to go to, leaving me with a cold and dark heart. I fought a fight that wasn't my own, but I held my own. When will I wake up?