Calm Down and Panic

Adam, a big-city slicker from the East, has his life upheaved when an infamous outlaw steals his dog. Adam journeys West and then some, with the help of a legendary bounty hunter known as The Boots of Wrath. However, things take a... and I don't want to freak you out or nothing... but things get a little crazy as he learns the West is a little wilder than he was expecting. And so, Edward and Adam, along with some other people he meets later, go on a journey of danger and adventure but ultimately find themselves on a path to self-discovery. The book is pretty good. Not to brag or anything, but there's a talking octopus and a dragon a little near the end. I don't know what page exactly, but it's in there somewhere. There's also like...let's see what else...There's uh...There's a cactus...and a bartender. I think. I don't really remember. Maybe there's not a bartender... Well, I guess you're just gonna have to read the book. Will Adam get his dog back? Will The Boots of Wrath earn his title? Is there a bartender? Find out in Calm Down and Panic Book One: THE BOOTS OF WRATH!!
Or don't. You could do something else if you want. I'm not your dad.
Unless you want me to be your dad. It's a little weird, but ok. I love you, son.