Pattie Brewster's Guide to Life/Pattie

A self-help book by Amy Hoggart's cat loving character.
Ever wondered whether you're the only one in the world who feels the way you do?
Pattie Brewster used to. Until she googled: "What to do if you've lost your shoes, your hair's taking over your head, and you never have anything to do all day except just sit around like in your itchy dressing gown and hat". To her surprise 535,000 sites came up. So she decided to go on all of them! With so much research behind her, plus nothing on till Christmas/March, Pattie decided to write a book to help everyone else out for once.
The result is a self-help bible to make you, if not happy, positive and successful, then at the very least, smaller and more like Pattie.
This is for you if you:
Ever fall over regularly out of sadness.
This book isn't for you if you:
Are in any way related to Pattie;
Were mean to her during her formative years (or any other years);
Are called Josephine Henderson;
Or Clara Marks.