Widow's Work

Sometimes we go through things in our lives that we will never understand. Becoming a widow was one of those things for me. In these times we have a hard time adjusting and finding our new normal. At times, our minds are so cloudy, trying to focus becomes one of the hardest things to do. So, what now? We ask ourselves. How do I find myself again and get back on track to clarity? At some point you must come to the realization that you nor your life will ever be the same, no matter how hard you try. I became a different person altogether in the way I handled my life. I felt like most of it I had been floating through, unable to feel anything at all. It has been 8 years and I cannot tell you anything I did for at least 6 of those years. Everything about me checked out. One day a light switch turned back on and I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired of being lost. I had no idea what was going on in my life or my children's lives. I needed to get my shit together or I was going to have a serious emotional break down.
I first had to realize where I was in my grief journey. So I educated myself on the stages of grief that aligned with what I was going through. Which are: 1.Shock and denial 2.Pain and guilt 3.Anger and bargaining 4.Depression, reflection, and loneliness 5.The upward turn 6.Reconstruction and working through 7.Acceptance and hope I gave myself the OK to move through and to be gentle with myself. Being cognizant to know that I could not just rush through faster than what I was emotionally prepared to do. I found that when I went too fast, I became stuck and emotionally repeated the whole stage all over again until I was ready to move forward. Trust me, you will know when you've entered the next stage. It is especially important when going through this process to really pay attention to how you're feeling and how you're choosing to deal with your pain. Take time with yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Your life may not be the same and that's OK. You are in charge of your own journey and no one can tell you how to maneuver through. Give yourself permission to cry, to hurt, and be happy. You are the architect of your life so build it with all things that make you happy and at peace. Go ahead, color outside the lines. My hope is that you will use this Journal as a guiding tool to help you figure things out along the way. It will not fix everything, but it will help you focus and empower you to push past what might seem like giant obstacles on your way to healing. Kind of like a compass. Just remember this journey belongs to you and take it one day at a time. I wish you the best. YOU'VE GOT THIS! Take care of yourself XOXO's